A friend of mine recently asked for advice on how to get a girlfriend. This article is the product of not only many hours discussing this topic, but also the life experiences of myself and other men who have dated literally hundreds of women. First let me ask you an essential question: Do you really want a girlfriend? Do you really want to make a serious long term commitment? Do you really want to invest your time and resources in a relationship or are you just afraid of being alone? If you do want a girlfriend, what is your motive? Maybe you want a deep emotional connection with somebody. Maybe you want to take a break from seducing lots of attractive women. Maybe you want the regular intimacy of a steady relationship. If you seriously contemplate the answers to these questions and are still committed to finding a girlfriend, then this article will help you do just that. 1. Define your ideal girlfriend I’ve wasted too much time in relationships with girls who really weren’t my ideal. I think the problem was not knowing exactly what I wanted. All that changed when I wrote down every detail of what I expected from an ideal girlfriend. When you have standards you are telling the world exactly what you expect. Just by having high standards you immediately increase your attractiveness. So here are some important questions for defining your Ideal girlfriend: Write down 5 outer traits you want in your ideal girlfriend. Write down 5 inner personality traits of your ideal girlfriend. What behaviors do you expect from your ideal girlfriend? What behaviors will you NEVER tolerate in your ideal girlfriend? Try to be specific in answering these questions. Don’t just write, “hot” or “sexy” for the physical traits. You should write specifically what things you find physically attractive. The same goes for her inner traits. Invest a few minutes of your time in this simple exercise and you are much more likely to find a better girlfriend than if you hadn’t. 2. Want her but don’t need her Women unconsciously perceive men they are interested in as either potential lovers or providers. The man who fills the provider role by providing his time and other resources might lack the sex appeal of the lover. A woman looking for a boyfriend will want a man to commit his resources to her, but at the same time she finds men who define the role of ‘lover’ very appealing. He possesses sexually attractive traits that arouse her. She will often try to get him to commit to a relationship and become a provider. Being a provider is not necessarily a bad thing. It should be a symbol of the equal devotion you and her have for each other. However a man who only knows how to be a provider often begs for a woman’s approval. He gives too much of himself to women who have not yet earned the attention he showers upon them. He is too easy. We more highly value things we need to chase after to acquire. If she knows that no matter how she behaves she can commit you to a relationship then she will value you much less. If you indicate to her that you feel you need her or need a relationships then you are implying that you are a provider and that you aren’t as sexually attractive as more confident men options who doesn’t need any one particular woman in his life. If a woman he is interested in does not reciprocate that attraction he isn’t emotionally stung by that fact. Because he never needed her. He only wanted her. 3. Date More It’s not likely that the first girl you go out with will become your ideal girlfriend. Enjoy the process. Meet more girls. Go to social events where you can meet people. Join some groups or clubs and be social. If you aren’t confident in your ability to attract a girl enough to want to go on a date with you then invest some time researching what it takes to excite a girl into wanting to go on a date with you. The more dating experience you have the more fun these dates will become and of course it will be more likely that you find the awesome girl you are looking for. The man with more dating experience is always more attractive. He knows how to flirt with women. He knows how to relax and not worry what women are thinking about him. He says what he wants. He does what he wants. Dates with him are much more enjoyable than with a man who has never been on a date before and is constantly afraid of messing up and losing a chance to get this one girl who finally agreed to go on a date with him. Remember, you want her, but you don’t need her. The more social experience you have, the more sexually attractive you are. 4. Get to know her deeply Building a deep, trusting connection with her is essential. Get to know her. Don’t just try to learn superficial details about her life, but get to know her motivations, and how certain experiences and ideas make her feel. Here are some excellent questions for building a strong connection with your date: What was your dream when you were a kid? What is your goal now? What do you really think about yourself? What kind of people do you like? What kind of People do you hate? These are just a few interesting questions to get you started. Ask her everything you want. Don’t be afraid to ask her anything. I like when a girl is opening the door into her world and letting me truly start to understand her. These conversations are when you truly start to become more than just acquaintances. 5. Commit when you know she is ready If you are dating a girl but she has not yet expressed a desire to be in a committed relationship with you then you shouldn’t feel guilty about dating other women. If she isn’t offering you commitment, then you have no reason to offer it to her. Only commit after you know she is ready to do the same. A friend of mine was devastated when he found out a girl he was dating was dating other guys at the same time. He complained, “But I was completely loyal to her!” He had no reason to be loyal. He should have been meeting other women who valued his potential for commitment. If he had been seeing other women he wouldn’t have been devastated at all. Don’t invest all your emotions into one person if you aren’t yet certain they will reciprocate them. I know that statement might sound extremely challenging. In fact, controlling our emotions often seems impossible, but you should at least be aware of this idea to help you approach your interactions in a more mature style. Remember, define your ideal girlfriend, want her but don’t need her, and acquire the dating experience that makes you fun and skilled at flirting. Don’t let just any girl be your girlfriend and find the girl you genuinely want to share an amazing relationship with. I hope every man can find the ideal girlfriend he deserves. Here’s something you can’t ignore if you really desire to get a girlfriend even today.